I usually go for sci-fi fantasy stuff, but there is one reality show that’s always managed to hold my interest: Survivor. The other night, I was trying to explain to some non-Survivor watching friends why exactly I love the show.  I love the strategy, that’s true.  And I love watching ordinary Americans deal with extreme circumstances like eating less and being outside all day, but that’s not really it, either. What I really love about Survivor is that it helps me to justify the shitty, boring, ordinary frustrations that I encounter on a daily basis.  Let’s start with work:

If you’re at all like most people I talk to, you often look around you at the world and its problems and think, we are in deep shit, and it’s not my fault.  You’re mostly right about that, we’re definitely in deep shit.  I don’t care which side of the political aisle you’re on, nothing good has happened since forever.  Remember how excited people got about the royal baby?  And then everyone else got all irate about how excited other people were about the royal baby?  That’s how badly we need a distraction from the waste-deep quicksand of our lives.  Anyway, you are to blame, at least a little.  Let’s look at Survivor for guidance.  

A few seasons ago, this pair ended up in the final 3. 

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There was another person there, but whatever. I want to talk about these two.  This season had players return from previous seasons to duke it out for a million dollars.  A few quick notes on the two people shown above:

1. Sandra won her previous season. Russell almost won his previous season.
2. Sandra won by flying under the radar, and being likable.  Russell made it to the final three by kicking ass left and right, and lost by making enemies. 
3. Sandra will win this season, Russell will almost win this season.

You might think I’m going to say that nice people win and bad people do not.  I am not going to say that. I am going to say that people with any kind of extreme qualities, good or bad, end up behind people who are too boring to have made any friends or enemies.  You want to succeed in business or politics? You better stay as neutral and boring as possible.

So let’s look at the situation on Survivor: you want a strong team so you can win challenges and avoid voting people out.  If you lose, you get the opportunity to cut the fat: the slow, the stupid, the irritating.  Now you have a strong team and you can win.  Of course, that gives the other team the opportunity to cut their fat, slow, stupid and irritating people.  This goes for a while until you are suddenly completely on your own.  You want to win challenges but you’re surrounded by people who are all some combination athletic, intelligent, and charming.  Well, I’m fucked, you think. I cannot possibly beat these people.  Then you realize that everyone else is thinking the same thing.  You and the other schlubs are going to conspire to eliminate the alphas at the earliest opportunity.  Brilliant.

Several weeks later, it’s you and two other unremarkable people at the end of the game and you’re feeling pretty fucking smart.  You, the kingpin, devised a plan to eliminate the weak, and then eliminate the strong, and be the best of whatever’s left over.  The best of the middle.  But all the people who got voted out hate you, because they know in their hearts that they’re better than you at so many other things.  Therefore, you lose.  They vote for someone who did less and you go home with nothing.  The secret to this game is to be not so boring and middle of the road at literally everything that you can’t lose.  

If you can more or less carry your weight early on, you won’t get cut.  If you’re not real good at running, puzzles, or strength tests, you won’t get cut.  If you aren’t good at strategy you might think you can’t get to the end, but it’s got to come down to three at the end.  You didn’t make anyone made, because you never made a successful game move.  You weren’t all that close with people, because you kept to yourself.  Congratulations, you get a million dollars.

In the real world, cutting the fat happens way early.  It’s a job interview or an internship.  They look at who’s unlikely to carry their own weight, and they don’t make it.  Some folks get by, but they’ll get caught eventually.  The second part is going on for the rest of your goddamn life. 

You want a promotion? Well, your boss also wants a promotion.  And they last thing she needs is someone competent and capable standing across from her in the interview waiting room.  It is in her best interest to promote the middle of the pack.  

Politics is the same way, if there’s someone nearby who stands of chance of getting the job you want, no matter how qualified they are, they must be crushed.  Remember this? 

These guys are on the same fucking team!  They both know that one of them is likely to be the Republican presidential nominee.  They’re both aware that being cool to the other one could result in being the vice presidential nominee, should the other succeed.  Neither one of them gives a single shit about second place. Also, let’s take a look at the ideas they’re discussing.  Who has a worse record on illegal immigration.  Not who has a better record.  This is about lowering the audience’s perception of everyone else, so that average quality is low enough that you can seem acceptable. There is literally nothing in this video that could raise your standing in the eyes of the public.  

Besides, they have basically the same ideas about all this stuff.  It’s too dangerous to have a unique opinion.  Having an original idea in politics is like having a great strategy in Survivor, if anyone finds you’ve got a brain, you’re through. 

So, what does Survivor tell us about the world that we didn’t already know?  Probably nothing.  Everyone’s looking out for themselves, they don’t actually care whether a deserving person is rewarded, only that they look like the best when it comes time for the judgement. 

So you might ask, why do I watch Survivor?  Well, Survivor occasionally rewards a dedicated, intelligent person.  John Cochran won some challenges despite being physically weaker than many of the other contestants, he outsmarted some other, and he charmed the rest.  Despite all of his strengths, he managed to pull it off.  

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So, considering the state of business and politics these days, how much we could use original ideas and the best of the best rising to the top, I guess i watch Survivor for the same reason I watch most things, it’s fantasy.